so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
