youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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