Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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