I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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