Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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