forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
