You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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