Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
