yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
