She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
