remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
