why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
