3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Only a mothe r could love this liver
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
