i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
