Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
