Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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