I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
