i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
