Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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