like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
