am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
