just come out here and I will go home with you...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
