he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
