you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i will never coherently bang her
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
