did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
