She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
