we have pet lesbian snakes
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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