He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
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