This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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