new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
