Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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