hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
