Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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