well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
