everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
