4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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