Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
