Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
