and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
