Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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