Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
