last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
