The best revenge is premature balding
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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