he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
