i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
