worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
