Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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