You just made me feel so damn special
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
