This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
