There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
