I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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